Why do people lie? It is a question that just cannot be answered easily. Sometimes people lie and their lies just do not make any sense. Many people are psychologically wired to lie. It is simply a part of their genetic make up and they have always survived this way. Others will lie for convenience, whether it is to avoid someone or to not hurt someone’s feelings or to get out of doing things. Sometimes it is about their reputation. If this is so, then why lie in the first place, reputations have been ruined by one little lie, it makes you wonder why people take such a big risk.
Some parents make the mistake of teaching their children that it is okay to lie about things. Certain parents may avoid all difficult things. Lying to escape a bad situation or even hard work comes easy to some. But is this really worth losing someone’s trust over? Nobody wants to be doubted as to whether they are sincere or not. Lies can have a negative affect on people once they are found out. These lies usually come out too. When someone finds out they have been lied to, this really hurts, and they may never see the liar as the same person again.
Some people are conditioned to lie from birth. As babies and young children we soak up information like a sponge. Babies will mimic what they see, which is truly all they know. They won’t realize they are wrong until someone tells them and it probably won’t be their parents. When these children are grown adults, they may have seen this kind of behavior from their parents and believe that it is okay to lie. It’s when they reach adulthood and start relationships with people, it begins to become an issue, and who could blame them for feeling confused.
Parents or guardians have the biggest influence on people’s entire lives. It does not matter who you meet during life or who you come into contact with. What your parents teach you will always be seen by you to be the way it should be. When people who were raised by parents that lie, it’s hard for them to believe their parents were wrong. Confronting them as an adult is all fine, but it’s likely they will deny that they ever taught you anything unhealthy. Sometimes parents will continue to enable the lying, even though they know it’s wrong.
Parents often raised their kids to do as they say, not as they do. This kind of thinking is confusing for a child, not to mention a young adult who is being told that everything he or she was taught is wrong. You get busted lying and your parents say “So what?” This is sometimes a way for the parent to excuse his or her unhealthy behavior, like smoking or drinking. They can drink and smoke but the children must not, because I said so. Yeah right; that makes a lot of sense. When a child sees a parent doing something that they have been told not to do, this is confusing and the child will very likely mimic his or her parents behavior and this kind of thinking. They feel justified in rationalizing that if their parents do this, then it’s all okay for me to do it.
The fact that people lie does not come down to parents and how they were raised at all. Some people are just liars, and there is no explaining it. People lie for all kinds of reasons; some of these reasons can be really stupid, especially when it would be so much easier to solve the problem instead of lying to run away from the situation. Usually a person will lie if it has served them well in the past and the more they get away with it, the more they use lies to escape things they don’t want to deal with. Making things easy for a liar is never the way to go, in-fact you should be hard on someone who lies so they think twice about lying to you again.
Chronic liars are sometimes as children to lie and it’s hard to break the habit. Some liars are just liars and were not always like this. People can sometimes get into bad habits of avoidance and lying becomes second nature. Convincing the person that they are wrong and that they risk people not trusting them is difficult if it’s been going on for most of their lives. However, it is also possible that trust and honesty do mean something to a liar, you just need to find out how to press that button to be successful in teaching them not to lie.
Therapy for someone who is a compulsive liar may help as long as the person admits that they have a problem. A counselor or trained therapist can help the person to let go of their fear and use honesty instead of a lie. Quite often the decision to lie comes from insecurity and fear. This is no excuse, but it does explain many things. Lying is usually never okay, unless you are lying to protect someone. For many the so-called white lie is the only acceptable lie and even then it should only be carried out when there’s no other choice.
If you have a loved one who lies constantly, then you know how frustrating this is. You will need to get to the bottom of why they insist on lying to you and help them overcome their fears. Showing them proof that not very many people trust them may be what you need to do to get through to them. If you care about this person, you at least have to try. If the person does not change, it might be necessary to stop seeing them for a while.
Copyright © 2013 Whitney Rose